Introducing The Sat: The premier satirical news source for crypto and blockchain
In an industry where today's unbelievable headlines become tomorrow's SEC investigations, we felt the crypto world needed something different: completely fabricated news that's upfront about being fake from the start. We're just like your favorite crypto influencer – we lie to your face, but at least we're honest about it.
Who We Are
The Sat is crypto's answer to The Onion—a satirical publication dedicated to finding humor in the volatility, absurdity, and occasional lunacy of the blockchain ecosystem. Our founders have paid to speak at conferences across the globe and have attended some of the hottest parties in the scene, like the Pudgy Penguins event where that one guy from that one show on Paramount Plus was in VIP (he left after 20 minutes). We aim to deliver headlines so ridiculous you'll wish they were true.
Our World-Class News Team
While other publications rely on "sources familiar with the matter" or "facts," we've assembled the industry's most cost effective—we mean, qualified team of professional fiction writers: Axie Infinity scholarship graduates.
"After the play-to-earn bubble burst, we found ourselves with a unique opportunity," explains our Chief Content Officer. "Here was a global workforce already skilled in grinding for tokens that don't exist. When their 'scholarship managers' realized they couldn't extract value anymore, thousands of 'scholars' were left out in the cold while the managers quietly pivoted to AI. And so, here we are."
"Before, I battled fictional monsters to make wealthy westerners money. Now I write fictional stories making fun of wealthy westerners," says one of our anonymous writers. "The pay is still terrible, but at least I get to mock the capitalist pigs who thought they were 'empowering' me by taking 70% of my earnings."
Our Commitment to You
In an era of fake news, we're pioneering fake fake news—stories so obviously satirical that they loop back around to being more honest than most crypto Twitter threads.
We promise to:
- Never let facts get in the way of a good story
- Completely ignore market signals and go off of "vibes"
- Continue the belief that people are good at trading meme coins and it's not all insider trading
- Treat influencers with the respect they don't deserve in hopes they add us back to the Telegram group we've been kicked out of. (I didn't even share those screenshots)
Subscribe for an Airdrop
(But not like free money, just like... text)
Join our growing community of readers who prefer their crypto news completely made up. It's like following influencers, but with the self-awareness that it's all fiction.
Welcome to The Sat. Breaking blockchain fiction since 2025.
